The Joy List
A Step-by-Step Guide to Feeling Alive Again
Thursday was Thanksgiving, and I felt that familiar warmth settle in my chest. I love this time of year. I love the slow crawl toward Christmas, the nostalgia of family recipes, the soft twinkle of holiday lights, being with the people who truly make life lighter. It’s not about buying things or checking boxes. It’s about presence. It’s joy in its purest form.
But the holidays weren’t always like this. Not long ago, the holidays didn’t bring comfort - they threatened to unravel me. While everyone else was laughing, connecting, celebrating, I was just trying to get through the day, overstimulated and on edge from the pain.
A few years ago, for the first time in my life, I ended up in a dark, lonely place I never saw coming.
You see, I come from a long line of migraine sufferers. Reader, if you’ve never had one, count yourself lucky! I used to get them occasionally, but in 2022 everything changed. My headaches became frequent and awful - the kind that bring life to a complete stop.
I experience complex migraines with aura, which sounds kind of poetic…but it isn’t. I lose vision, the ability to speak, and feeling on one side of my body. Flashing lights, numbness, then the pain. It’s terrifying 😅
At one point, I was having four migraines a week. And that went on for a year and a half. That became my new normal. Doctors couldn’t help. Medicine didn’t help. The constant pain was changing who I was.
At work, I was supposed to be sharp, present, and leading in-person meetings several times a day. But those meetings became torture. Normally, I thrive on energy and ideas. During that time, even walking into a conference room made my chest tighten. The lights, the voices, the movement, were all too much. Overstimulation.
I started moving my meetings to Teams instead. (It was right after COVID, so it didn’t seem unusual.) No one knew that the person leading those meetings, camera off, was sitting in a dark office just trying to hold it together and make it through the day.
Evenings and weekends were worse. When I had a migraine, restaurants were impossible. Grocery shopping felt like running a marathon under strobe lights. Anxiety and panic attacks became regular visitors. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t rest. My nervous system was completely fried.
I was taking pain meds daily, saving the $75-per-pill migraine meds for the “big ones.” I was over-caffeinated, under-rested, and completely burned out. The caffeine kept me functioning, but it also kept my anxiety high. Sleep was a distant memory. (Turns out you can actually survive on spite and espresso. Who knew?)
I was gray, hollow, and exhausted, shut up in my dark, quiet house. My relationships faded. My spark disappeared. One day, I looked in the mirror and realized I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I didn’t like myself anymore.
Life wasn’t fun. It was just survival.
So I took a week and a half off work. Not for a vacation - for a self-intervention. A last-ditch effort to get my life and health back.
Why This Matters to You
Maybe you’re not dealing with chronic migraines. But I’m willing to bet something in my story feels familiar.
The burnout. The anxiety. The feeling that you’re just going through the motions. The realization that you can’t remember the last time you actually felt good.
We live in a culture that glorifies the grind. Busy is a badge of honor. Self-care gets squeezed into the margins - if we even get to it at all. We tell ourselves we’ll rest later, play later, enjoy life later.
But later keeps getting pushed back. And one day you wake up and realize you’ve been surviving instead of living.
Here’s what I’ve learned: You can’t pour from an empty cup. And you can’t just will yourself to feel better.
Stress, tension, and burnout don’t just affect your mood; they rewire your nervous system. They trigger physical symptoms: migraines, insomnia, digestive issues, and chronic pain. Your body keeps the score.
The wellness industry will sell you expensive solutions: retreats, supplements, apps, and courses. Some of them work. But most of them miss the simplest truth: joy is medicine.
Not manufactured joy. Not toxic positivity. Real joy. The kind that comes from doing things that light you up, that remind you what it feels like to be alive.
That’s where the Joy List comes in.
What Is The Joy List (And How It Works)
The Joy List is exactly what it sounds like: a list of anything and everything that brings you joy!
Sounds simple, right? Until you try it and your brain suddenly acts like you’ve asked it to solve a Rubik’s cube.
That’s what happened to me. When life had been reduced to surviving migraines, anxiety, and exhaustion, I couldn’t remember what joy even felt like. But slowly, things came back to me:
Being outside, feeling the sun or the crisp air
Going for walks or spending time at the gym
Laughing with my nieces and nephews
Sitting by a crackling fire
Being near water
Playing with my dog
Playing in general - games, catch in the backyard
Cooking a new recipe
Watching old films
Looking at the list, I realized something obvious. These weren’t extravagant things. They weren’t trips to Bali or weekends at a spa. They were simple, small moments that I used to take for granted, but they mattered.
“Why don’t I do more of these things?” I asked myself.
The Science Behind Why It Works
The Joy List isn’t just feel-good fluff. There’s real science behind it.
Chronic stress keeps your nervous system in fight-or-flight mode. When you’re constantly tense, your body produces cortisol, inflammation increases, and your pain threshold drops. (Basically, your nervous system is always on high alert, convinced the sky is falling.) That’s why stress is a known trigger for migraines, headaches, anxiety, and chronic pain conditions.
Joyful activities activate your parasympathetic nervous system – the rest-and-digest response. They lower cortisol, reduce inflammation, and help your body heal. Studies show that positive experiences improve sleep quality, boost immune function, and even change brain chemistry.
But here’s the catch: you have to actually do the joyful things! Reading about them, thinking about them, or planning to do them “someday” doesn’t count. You need action.
That’s where most people get stuck. Taking the steps to get better sometimes feels impossible and daunting. Making a Joy List is a step in the right direction for anyone who wants to feel alive again.
How to Create Your Own Joy List (And Actually Use It)
Ready to try it? Here’s how to make your Joy List work for you. (And “watch Netflix in bed” absolutely counts as a joy!)
Step 1: Brain Dump Everything That Brings You Joy
Grab a notebook, open a note on your phone, or use the back of an envelope. Don’t overthink it. Just write.
What makes you smile? What activities make time disappear? What did you love doing as a kid? What do you miss doing now?
Include everything:
Activities (hiking, painting, dancing, gardening)
People (friends, family, pets)
Sensory experiences (sunshine, music, good coffee, fresh sheets)
Places (the beach, your favorite bookstore, your backyard)
Simple pleasures (laughing, reading, cooking, sleeping in)
No judgment. No rules. If it brings you even a flicker of joy, write it down.
Step 2: Start With The Easiest One
Don’t try to do everything at once. Start with just one thing from your list - the easiest one, the one that feels most accessible right now.
For me, it was simply sitting outside in the sunshine. I got off my couch, lit my firepit, and spent hours outside, bundled up in the early March air. I did it again, and again, all week long. Away from screens, away from stress, breathing in fresh air, letting my nervous system reset. And it felt amazing.
That simple act created a snowball effect. I began adding more activities from my Joy List each day, and slowly, my anxiety softened. My energy returned.
One small action led to another. Walks, cooking, old films, running - each little step made the next one easier.
Step 3: Schedule Joy Like It’s a Meeting
This is the part most people skip. They make the list, they feel inspired, and then… nothing changes.
If it’s not on your calendar, it won’t happen.
I consult my Joy List weekly now and intentionally schedule a few activities that bring me joy. Sometimes it’s just one. Sometimes more. But the point is consistency and permission.
Permission to prioritize joy, even when life is messy. Permission to say no to things that drain you. Permission to believe that your well-being matters.
Step 4: Notice How You Feel
Pay attention to what happens when you do joyful things regularly.
Do you sleep better? Feel less tense? Have more energy? Find it easier to handle stress?
For me, the results were gradual but undeniable. I don’t think the Joy List magically eliminated my migraines. But I do think it helped reduce stress and tension, which are migraine triggers.
Without the constant tension and pain, I was able to move more, work out, and be physically active – which is proven to help migraines, too. I started living a healthier lifestyle again: drinking more water, eating better, sleeping better.
Slowly, life started to feel like life again.
Eventually, migraines became infrequent. Maybe five a year. Anxiety diminished. Panic attacks became rare. Life didn’t feel like survival anymore. I was alive again!
Your Turn: What’s On Your Joy List?
Here’s the truth: No one is coming to save you. Not your doctor, not your therapist, not your partner, not some miracle cure you read about online.
You have to save yourself. And sometimes, saving yourself looks like lighting a fire and sitting outside. Or calling a friend. Or playing with your dog. Or cooking a meal.
It’s not glamorous. It’s not Instagrammable. But it works.
Stress and tension are triggers for pain, anxiety, and burnout. Reducing them doesn’t fix everything, but it creates space for healing. It gives you room to move, sleep, eat healthier, and breathe again.
So I’ll ask you: What’s on your Joy List?
Take five minutes right now. Write down three things. Just three. Things that make you feel a little more alive, a little more like yourself. And then – this is the important part – do one of them today.
Not tomorrow. Not next week. Today.
Because Joy isn’t a reward for when you feel better - it’s how you start feeling better.
Next Steps
Career
What’s the one thing at work that drains you the most, and how could you make it a little easier or more enjoyable?
Is there a meeting or task you could tweak, move, or hand off to make your day less stressful?
What’s one small thing you could do this week that would make work feel a little more fun or energizing?
When was the last time you celebrated a work win, even a tiny one? Can you do that this week?
If you could design your workday to include more joy, what’s the first change you’d make?
Personal
When was the last time you did something just because it made you happy?
Name three little things that always lift your mood. Can you do one today?
Are there people or commitments that drain you? What’s one small boundary you could set this week?
How does your space - home, desk, routines - make you feel? Could you tweak it to feel calmer or happier?
What’s one simple act of self-care you’ve been putting off that you can do right now?